After the Struggle
by chalewhale
Summary: Oneshot - Break and Sharon survive until the story ends. Break has been recovering from his wounds, and Sharon tends to him.


It had been exactly three weeks to the day that everything had ended. How they managed to survive, Break had no idea. Him more than anyone, considering the predicament he had found himself in. But somehow, despite his strong belief that he wouldn't make it, he had. And so had everyone else, for the most part. A strange thought, to be sure.

An odder thought still was this matter of actually living. His promise had been taken care of, and that was all fine and dandy, but once again he was faced with the question: what could there possibly be for him to live for? All throughout his life there was always some goal to be accomplished, something for him to do, but now there wasn't. Becoming a knight, serving the Sinclairs, saving Alyss; always something. Until now. There was no task for him to do, and, he supposed, he had always based his existence off serving someone else. Without that, what was left for him?

Of course, the majority of these three weeks had been spent mulling over this question, as well as recovering. Even after all this time he still wasn't in the best shape. A pain, really, but with nothing to do, it hardly mattered, did it?

That being said, he wasn't being entirely honest. There was another matter he had been attending to, and this being a certain young girl who decided to stick it out in his room throughout his recovery. Actually, she had hardly left his side, and this too brought a new perspective into this little dilemma. He supposed he could continue going on serving the Rainsworths like he had been doing, Sharon most of all, but was that enough? Something about having her around like this gave him his answer. Maybe it would just be for now, and possibly not last a very long time, but what if he just stopped working? Could he do that? Simply enjoy life and stop trying?

He completed his purpose, and in no way could that ever come close to redemption, but in having known he didn't fail Alyss, he found that he felt a lot less bad about himself. Like, just possibly, he had done something good and that meant it was alright for him to be living this way after all. Not that he could be redeemed, but almost? Just something to figure out, he supposed. But between that and Sharon, who was presently sitting next to him, and that promise of his, he felt a strange level of peace that he never had before.

Perhaps it was this, not death, he had been looking for all along. Could it be possible that it was okay for him to keep on living without doing anything, without a purpose? He'd like to think so, but that seemed far too wonderful to be realistic.

Therefore, with all this going through his head, Break had done little over the past few weeks. Stayed in bed for the first few days, didn't leave his room much at all, and really did nothing other than tend to Sharon, who was insistent on staying by his side all the time. And by saying that she was 'by his side,' he literally meant it. She even went as far as to grab her pillow and blanket out of her own room just so she could curl up next to him like she used to when she had been younger. Not that he particularly minded. It wasn't entirely proper, or at all, honestly, and as soon as he was fully healed he would tell her as such. For now, however, it should be fine.

"Something on your mind, Break?" Sharon turned from her book to look down at him. "You look so awfully serious lying there like that."

Oh, did he? Blinking, he gazed up at her, arms still crossed under his head. "No, not particularly."

"Are you sure? You've been so quiet lately; it's quite unusual for you."

"Have I? I wasn't aware."

She nodded. "Mhmm, and you only get like that when you're over thinking something silly, so you might as well explain yourself right now."

Smiling gently, he laughed. Goodness, Sharon could act like such a child sometimes. It was endearing. But despite this, there was a protesting tone in his voice when he replied. "It's nothing, really."

"I'm sure." Well, she clearly didn't believe him, and her pout told him that. However, she decided to give up, apparently, and went back to reading. For a moment, neither of them said anything. Sharon kept reading and he went back to his thinking, but before long she glanced back over at him. "You're doing it again."

"Hm?"

"Making that face."

"What face?"

"The serious face."

"Hm?"

"Break." Sharon sighed, clearly starting to get aggravated by him, and shoved her book onto the night stand. Squirming down under the blanket, she laid down on her side, propping her head up with a hand. "You're being annoying."

"Am I?"

"Yes, you are."

"How so?" Well, this was certainly one amusing way to pass the evening.

"Because you're a sickly old man who's reckless and almost got yourself killed because of this ridiculous quest for redemption you have. Not to mention the fact that you still insist on doing everything yourself despite knowing that you'll never be able to, and you're doing it again right now!" Goodness, was she even breathing? "If something's bothering you, you should just say it. Stop with this one man show thing you have going on, it's infuriating."

Oh, was that it? Heh, Break had wondered when something like this was going to come up, he wasn't surprised at all. Still, he wished she would give him a little more credit. He knew she was just trying to be helpful, and he was well aware of his own uselessness, but did she have to make him sound _that _pitiful? It would have been nice if she thought a little higher of him, but whatever.

Instead of visibly being bothered and sulking, he just smiled at her. "That's quite the long list there. Really though, nothing's troubling me at all."

She didn't respond, choosing to do nothing more than glare at him. A rather cute expression, actually, as long as she didn't start beating him. But her silence proved that she wasn't going to be giving up any time soon, and being stuck with her, he really had no choice in the matter, did he? Well, maybe it would be a little nice to get his thoughts out in the open.

So looking back up at the ceiling and sighing in resignation, he continued. "It's just strange to be alive, don't you think?"

His honesty obviously surprised her, as it took a good long while for Sharon to give him her confused reply. "Is it?"

"Yes."

Again, it took her quite some time to get around to answering. "How so?"

"I'm not sure really."

"Why? Did you not expect yourself to be alive?"

"Something like that." Another pause. So far he had only been saying as much as he absolutely had to, which was completely normal behaviour for him. However, something in that moment made him actually want to talk. And not just ramble on about nonsense, but actually sit down and _talk. _It was ridiculous, but he felt safe with Sharon, she had proved herself to be far more mature and grown up than what he had thought she was. "I did it."

"Survived? Well that's good, isn't it?" Ha, poor Sharon, the confusion in her voice was evident. Then again, he supposed he really wasn't making much sense at all.

"No, kept my promise."

"And that surprises you?" She continued when he didn't answer, never for a moment looking away from him. "It shouldn't. You may be an idiot, but you're reliable. So there, problem solved."

"I suppose." Her inadvertent compliment made him grin. Goodness, couldn't she just keep things straight? Was he an old decrepit man, or someone to be counted on? Geez, figuring things out with her was a real pain. "But what now?"

Sharon didn't answer. Perhaps he was just being silly about this whole thing, or maybe she didn't even understand what he meant. How could she? She had everything in the world to live for, she was the heir of the Rainsworth family, she had an entire future waiting for her. And what did he have? Whatever was left of his life to sit around and immerse himself in his many regrets? There was no point to him anymore, she must be able to see that. His purpose had been met and yet he was still here. Why? No, she wouldn't understand at all, it was a silly thing to ask her.

"What now?" She eventually repeated, as if tasting the question for herself. "Now you live, of course."

"Hm?" Seems it was his turn to be confused now.

"Yes, live. Eat and sleep and make friends, spoil yourself. Go out with Reim for an afternoon, spend more time bothering Gilbert. Listen to a story, lie outside. You can do anything, see? Just live. Laugh and cry and fall in love. Anything you want, really." Sharon laughed, an adorable sound that seemed to make her words come alive. "It's not complicated at all! Surely you can manage something as simple as that."

Was it simple? Was that all there was to it? Just… live? Yes, he had thought about it, but it seemed like too fantastical an idea, some sort of heaven he could never be allowed to understand, let alone have. But when she put it so simply like that, it made a strange sort of sense. A marvelous thought, really, something he would love to no end. Just to live, be enough for merely being alive, it seemed absolutely enthralling.

Was such a thing even possible?

"…Is that okay?"

"Eh?" She froze, her enthusiasm draining away to leave room for an affectionate smile. Almost cautiously, she reached out her fingers and gently swept the hair out of his face. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Because." Avoiding the answer, but they both knew what he meant anyways. They both knew exactly what kind of person he was, what he had been and done. Anything even remotely good wasn't suited for him in the least bit, surely she understood that.

Once again, Sharon didn't respond. She didn't move, her hand immediately pulling away from his hair. She didn't tell him off or say something supportive, she didn't do anything, and the longer she remained silent, the more worried he became. It was a foolish thing bringing this up, he never should have mentioned it. Not only was he being stupid and foolishly relying on her, but he was putting her in an awkward spot and forcing her to deal with things she should never have to deal with.

However, before he could apologize and otherwise joke his way out of it, Sharon finally spoke up. "Break?"

Well, that made him a few hundred times more nervous. Ugh, stupidness. "Mhm?"

"I love you."

Hm? Oh, well that was ni—

Wait, what?

Blinking, it took more than a moment for his mind to catch up with what was going on, with what Sharon was saying. Loved him? Like, loved him, loved him? How did that—

Actually, no, that didn't make sense at all. He didn't understand it. So he just lay there gawking at her for far more time than what was necessary as he tried to figure out what was actually happening. Clearly he was hearing things now, which wasn't entirely impossible, but goodness, for him to come up with such… unusual fantasies was a tad bit concerning. He had always had a strange imagination but—

It only took another few seconds for him to realize that he was completely avoiding the matter at hand, that being the words Sharon had just said to him. Suddenly he found himself so wound up in the ridiculousness of the situation that he couldn't help but laugh. Because goodness, he never would have been able to see that coming.

Break was sure Sharon was the colour of a tomato at the moment, and that only made the whole thing more humorous. Only in a mad sort of way that he alone could ever possibly find funny, but it was too foolish not to be amused. Over fifteen years living with this girl, learning her habits and moods and how much sugar she likes in her tea, he would have never been able to predict that that's what she would say. That 'I love you' would be her answer to the issue of his past. As if everything could be solved with those three words. It was ridiculous, stupid and most certainly the most foolish thing he had ever heard, but it was also the most perfect. Who knew that something so simple could be so unexpected, that even after fifteen years he would have no idea whatsoever? It was like spending days trying to find something when you realized it had been in your hand all along. Stupid, but more satisfying than anything really.

Of course, by this point, Sharon was probably about to have a heart attack. For her to do something so impulsive, she was probably far more nervous than he was at the moment, which was really saying something. After all, how was he supposed to reply to that? He didn't know how to handle these things, emotions and whatnot, this was stuff he wasn't good with. As sudden as it had come, his laughter stopped with that knowledge, and he rolled over to hug the pillow on the other side of the bed. It was a good way to avoid her, after all.

Face far redder than it should have been, he mumbled the only thing he could think of saying into the blankets. "I love you too."

While Sharon let out some sort of squeak, Break buried himself further into the bed. See if he could dig himself a hole in the mattress, this was humiliating. Not only had he spent the last little while bothering her with his stupid thoughts, but now she had him saying such embarrassing things. It was terrible, simply terrible.

That's it. Tonight he would tell her that she should go sleep in her own room because she was a lady and ladies shouldn't be staying over in men's bedrooms, let alone sleep in their beds. Because she was just being ridiculous and this whole thing was ridiculous and he needed her gone so he could wither away in embarrassment as much as he wanted.

Instead of this wonderful solution, Sharon had to go and make things worse, (of course she did, wonderful), and interrupt his thoughts by deciding it was a good idea to start sucking on his face. Well, not sucking exactly, but it was all the same thing, wasn't it? And this was incredibly stupid because here he was withering away into a black hole of nothingness while she ran her fingers through his hair and kept up this ridiculous affection thing. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

But this was Sharon, and as red and awkward as he was, besides the fact that he had no idea how to respond and he never really understood the need for this in the first place, he guessed it was alright. Still incredibly improper, and he would be no doubt kicking her out of his room officially tomorrow, but for tonight at least, it seemed somewhat acceptable. As well as completely stupid and awkward and very, very uncomfortable, of course.

He just had never been one to get roped into emotional moments or anything, never really been one for affection. Had never experienced much of it, in all honesty, so keeping that in mind it was no surprise he had this much trouble handling it. Hate he could handle. Strap him back on that wall and have Vincent throw a few more punches at him, he understood that fine. Deserved it even. But love? That was something he didn't know what to do with at all.

Not knowing what else to do and finding the silence was only making things worse, he repeated his question from before. "What now?"

Sharon raised her head for a moment, looking him in the eye with a smile. "Now, you let yourself live." With a final kiss to his forehead, she curled up into him and closed her eyes, as if that were the simplest thing in the world.

But to him, it wasn't. He had no idea how to live without a purpose, how to go on and just be. He didn't understand it at all. So he decided that from this moment on, with however long he had left, he would live for Sharon. That would be his purpose. And if he didn't mess this up and fail, perhaps, just perhaps, he had a shot at redemption after all.


End file.
